Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
