let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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