i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
