It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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