so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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