we need to drink 2009 down the drain
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
