You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
