I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your penis caused this!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
