I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
