I think I died a long time ago.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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