i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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