i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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