Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
