So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
