By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
