he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
