i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
