My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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