He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you made out with another girl for some wings
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
