I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
