She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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