Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
