I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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