I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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