I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
