I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
