You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
