So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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