I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
