he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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