Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
