she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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