lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
