An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
