Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
