its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, beer. Big fan.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
