allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
