Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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