White coat. Heels.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
