I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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