Moan for me like Helen Keller
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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