i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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