I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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