she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
