Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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