I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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