The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
