U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
