Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
