Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
