well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
