Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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