Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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